Accelerate Your Healing by Looking to a Narcissist’s Actions Over Words

Narcissists will often have a pattern of saying one thing and doing another.

This discrepancy can leave their partners confused, doubting their own perceptions, and emotionally destabilized.

When dealing with a narcissist, pay more attention to their actions than to their words.

It is essential for protecting yourself and making informed decisions about your well-being and healing.

Narcissists are usually good at using words to manipulate and to create a favorable image of themselves.

Their words may have both truths and non-truths, which can be very confusing if you’re around them regularly.

They may say what they know others want to hear in that moment.

But their actions are where their true intentions will be revealed.

10 Examples of Narcissists Saying One Thing but Acting Differently

1. Professing Love While Acting Neglectful:

   -Words: "I love you more than anything."

   -Actions: They consistently disregard your needs, fail to show up when you need support, or prioritize their own desires over the relationship.

2. Promising Change but Repeating Hurtful Behavior:

   -Words: "I’m going to work on being more considerate."

   -Actions: Despite this promise, they continue to engage in the same hurtful or disrespectful behaviors, showing little to no effort to change.

3. Claiming to Value Honesty While Being Deceptive:

   -Words: "Honesty is the most important thing in a relationship."

   -Actions: They lie frequently, omit important details, or twist the truth to suit their narrative.

4. Making Promises They Don’t Keep:

   -Words: "I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work."

   -Actions: They fail to follow through on promises, leaving you feeling unsupported and unimportant.

5. Offering Support but Sabotaging Your Efforts:

   -Words: "I’m here to support your dreams."

   -Actions: They subtly undermine your goals, dismiss your achievements, or create obstacles that prevent you from succeeding.

6. Apologizing Without Genuine Remorse:

   -Words: "I’m really sorry, I’ll never do it again."

   -Actions: They continue the same behavior, indicating that the apology was insincere and only meant to pacify you temporarily.

7. Praising You in Public but Criticizing You in Private:

   -Words: "You’re amazing, I’m so lucky to have you."

   - Actions: In private, they belittle you, criticize your choices, or make you feel inadequate.

8. Claiming to Respect Your Boundaries but Violating Them:

   -Words: "I respect your boundaries."

   -Actions: They consistently push or ignore your boundaries, whether it's invading your privacy, demanding your time, or dismissing your comfort levels.

9. Acting Supportive of Your Independence but Isolating You:

   -Words: "I want you to have your own life and friends."

   -Actions: They become jealous or angry when you spend time with others, guilt-trip you into canceling plans, or make you feel bad for pursuing your own interests.

10. Claiming to Be Empathetic but Lacking Empathy:

    -Words: "I understand how you feel."

    -Actions: They show little to no empathy for your emotions, often dismissing or invalidating your feelings when you express them.

Understanding the disconnect between a narcissist's words and actions is crucial for anyone trying to heal from relational trauma associated with narcissistic abuse.

By focusing on their actions, you can gain a clearer picture of what’s theirs to own and what’s yours to own.

This will reduce your self-blame.

And remember, them getting you to blame yourself with guilt is one of their favorite ways of trying to pull the strings and get you to do what they want you to do.

Stop playing their game by stopping blaming yourself for their incongruent words/actions.

One of my super powers as an Expert Certified Life Coach is helping people to reclaim their own authority (that was there all along), recover/heal from Narcissistic abuse, and begin to thrive in ways authentic to themselves.

Because, let's be honest, even if you leave this person physically, it can still feel like you are in a relationship with them mentally and emotionally long after you stop being around them. Let's learn to divorce/leave them emotionally and mentally as well, not just physically.

If that's something you want. Schedule a free consult with me now, by clicking here, and let's powerfully clarify your next steps in your healing, whether that ends up being working with me or not. I want to help you either way.