You are not broken. You already have the right machinery. It's just a matter of learning the skill of living a porn-free life.
Does This Sound Like You?
You are a smart, family-oriented man
You want to not want porn
You don't believe it when people say "You'll always struggle with this" or "once an addict always an addict."
You try hard
You've probably seen some success and had the habit come back
You are ready for a change
You wouldn't mind a more enjoyable way of quitting porn (finding more ease)
But you don't know what's next
You're tired of the shame and guilt
You're losing motivation
You're feeling less and less confident
Even when things are going well, you can't stop wondering, "What about 6 months from now? Can I really keep this going?"
You want to learn to trust yourself again
You want to feel excited about your future again
You want to let go of porn for good, in a sustainable, shame-free, sex-positive way
Why "Chain Breaker?"
You already have the power. It's just chained up.
The thing that makes you feel stuck is your learned thought patterns (aka, The Chains)
What we do here is revolutionize your way of thinking, which, from the inside out, breaks the chains.
Then you are free to fly, as you were born to do.
And you realize that the power was within you all along.
This Kind of Life IS Possible For YOU
- No more desire for porn.
- If an urge for porn comes along, you notice it, you say "thanks, but no thanks brain," it passes with ease within minutes (or less), and back to focusing on what you've got going on in your life.
- A system (shame-free, sex-positive) that, with practice, becomes easily do-able. That while using it you have confidence that you are continually re-wiring your brain the way you want to (to not want porn).
- Less 2nd guessing of your own worthiness.
- Finally feeling free from this thing that has been weighing you down.
- A porn-filter built in to your own brain instead of on your devices.
- Staying committed in a way that flows and is firm, and that comes from you - POWERFUL!
- You are engaged in and enjoying your day to day life. In other words, make your life so good that porn becomes irrelevant.
- Just generally focused on other things because now, porn is a thing of the past, that you have left behind for good.
- Going in to a weekend alone (without wife/kids), porn doesn't even cross your mind, it's not the focus.
- More energy available to focus on things that align with your most important values.
- New meta-skills that give you confidence to manage your mind through the next "impossible" task that you conquer.
I had been able to find some success with various programs intended to avoid pornography. Sometimes I could make it 3-6 months, sometimes even a year or longer between episodes, but I never felt like I was in control. It felt like at any moment, I might have an urge and not be able to resist and I’d be down a losing spiral again. The anxiety was crushing and I felt worthless, ashamed, and helpless to control my circumstances.
In other programs I’d participated in, I felt like we never got to the the level of practical tools. There was a gap between my goal and the actions I could take to actually get there. The goal was clear, but how to achieve success was much less so. I wanted more than a hope and pray strategy, I wanted actionable intelligence that combined what I knew of brain science with my own spiritual goals and expectations. I wanted to exercise my own faith to succeed, but I wanted tools I could use to get there.
About four months into the process, I had a “Neo” moment, like at the end of the first Matrix movie, when he finally realizes he can control his environment and can see the world for what it really was. I had experienced an urge, and instead of autopilot taking over and following a familiar path to undesirable outcomes, I was able to stand apart from my urges, acknowledge them for what they were, and choose to dismiss them. I felt like I was in complete control, which was a totally new experience. I could choose the outcome myself. It was so empowering, it was the breakthrough I was looking for. I knew in that moment that even if I failed again in the future, I’d hit a turning point and there’s no going back.
I’m so much more conscious of my feelings and how those are part of my life. I’m so much more aware of myself and my thoughts and have been able to intentionally direct my thoughts in more productive directions. I was looking for a game changer, and I feel like Danny’s program delivered that. My anxiety over this issue is gone. My sense of control is a thousand times better. It’s like night and day. The shame and despair I used to feel are gone. I am more confident, and I feel so much more capable. I’ve been able to use these same principles in every aspect of my life to great benefit. I feel like I’m in complete control of my life, perhaps for the first time ever. Not in the sense that I can control events, but that I can choose how I respond to them, and that is powerful.
How in control are you now with porn/masturbation? (0 = completely out of control, 10 = I have complete control)
Scott’s response: “10”
Hi! This is me, The Coach, Danny Poelman, DDS:
I've been through my own version of this myself.
I used to feel SO stuck. Now I feel SO free.
- I tried being more religious, was still stuck with the porn thing.
- I tried so many different kinds of therapy (and therapists), did some healing, was still stuck.
- I tried 12-steps groups, energy workers, chiropractors, meditation, apps, porn-filters (so many things guys!!!), still STUCK.
So I thought maybe I was the problem. Maybe I'm just that broken, I thought.
Turns out I'm not broken. I never was. Because you can't break humans.
I had the power within all along. I just didn't know how to access it.
Now I do.
I'm a big fan of - whatever works!
I found what works.
I got trained/certified in what works.
I've been coaching guys on quitting porn for over 4 years now, so I've seen what works.
This process works.
I'm walking proof.
Sure, you don't need a basketball coach who has won a title as a player to lead you to a title. But it sure is nice, knowing that he's been-there-done-that.
Because he just gets things in those little ways that can make a huge impact (and accelerate things).
This is about so much more than porn, which is part of what made it so exciting to leave being a dentist (as exciting as that is - don't laugh) to do this.
Here's what I'm about:
- consistently expanding in love
- sustainably/freely creating
- enriching life
- intentionally healing
I've realized that some of my natural gifts line up magically with coaching/healing.
Am I the only special one? Nope. You are too.
That's what I show guys, is that they already have the power, the gifts, the strength to make life what they want to make it.
And I have a knack for showing them how to go inward and access that power.
That's what the Chain Breaker method is so good for.
And I want to share it with you. So let's go!
My biggest challenge prior to working with Danny was finding the desire to make the change. There was a desire, but learning to grow that desire to the point that I made the change for myself.
I believe all my prior experience prepared me for this program with Danny. It was different with Danny because it felt like the real deal. We were getting down to the root(s) of the problem rather than just "replacing the band-aid" on my wounds.
The moment when I realized this process was actually working to solve my problem:
That moment for me was when I realized how simple the answer really was for me. My brain had always tried to make it more complicated than what was actually right in front of me the whole time. I had never lost control, I only believed I had.
Today I still have urges. Life still goes on and there are sad moments along with the happy moments. But now, I am able to fully embrace each emotion. There is an overall feeling of content and joy in my life, completely independent of anyone or anything. I no longer feel the need to fill "the void" in my life with pornography/masturbation because there is no void!
My perspective has completely changed. I have learned to better control my thoughts and emotions and I have never been happier with life than right now! I am even sleeping better! :)
How in control are you now with porn/masturbation? (0 = completely out of control, 10 = I have complete control)
Frequently Asked Questions
I want to do it. But now isn’t a good time.
Part of me is freaked out about committing.
What if the life I envision for myself just isn’t possible?
I don’t know if I can trust myself to make this kind of investment.
What if I fail?
I don't want to ask for help.
Will this be different? I’ve already tried a lot of times and keep going back to pornography.
I have a busy schedule. What if i can’t keep up with the pace of the program?
What time are the live group coaching calls?
How do live group coaching calls work?
What if I need lots of support?
What if i can’t make it to a call?
Will everyone automatically be able to see my name and face on the group calls?
My problem is a habit that is sexual, in nature, but not specifically porn. Can I still join the calls?
When does the program start?
Is social media involved in any part of the program?
Why is your hourly rate what it is?
Does this process/program really work?
I want to do it, but that’s expensive.
Are payment plans available?
Can I use a health savings account (HSA) or insurance?
Mike S.'s Results
"My biggest challenge was just crossing the finish line. I felt stalled right at the end of the race and couldn't seem to get there on my own.
I have a much better story to tell myself about addiction, which has lead to a dramatic reduction in urges for porn. I say without hyperbole, that I feel free from addiction."
Scale of 1-10, How in control are you now with porn/masturbation? “9.9999998 :)”
My biggest challenge prior to coaching with Danny was not being able to quit porn. It made me feel overwhelmed and hopeless.
This coaching experience is different than other things I've tried. I stopped trying to resist urges on willpower alone, contrary to what we're often told to do in the Church, and it helped so much. It was also way more uncomfortable at times, and Danny pushed me consistently in a supportive way.
I realized this process was actually working when I actually committed to my protocol and realized that I wasn't actually in my right mind going to watch porn again.
Many things have changed after working with Danny. Where do I even start? Other than my mission, these past few months have been the most formative of my life. I have grown in ways I never thought possible.
Here are just a few results:
I stopped watching porn.
I have reached a new level of increased self-acceptance and self-love.
I have made major breakthroughs in dating and interpersonal vulnerability.
I forgave my family members after years of holding grudges.
I am more self-aware of my thoughts and which ones serve me well.
I have stopped using the "checklist" mentality on dates and focus more on how well we connect.
I have become way more comfortable with uncertainty.
- Experience the healing dynamic of group work (particularly with a subject matter that we have learned to create so much shame around)
- Sessions led by Danny
- We are using a unique, safe space, together, to explore our brains/beings in a powerful, healing way.
- Always willing to push the envelope, with buckets of curiosity/compassion, while going at a pace that works for you.
- Talk freely and candidly without being judged, while simultaneously not sitting around rehashing the same stories again and again that are holding us back (rinse and repeat)
- A focus on accessing personal power
Seeing other people's problems solved helps solve your problems for yourself up front.
- We are trusting that everything you would get coaching on in the group is useful and helpful to the group.
- I think you will love how the group dynamic/energy adds to this process.
1 on 1 Coaching
If you really just aren't ready for the group experience
For those willing to pay a bit more for 1 on 1 attention
Tailor-fit to right where you are at
For some people, 1 on 1 just makes more sense
I love 1 on 1 coaching. Can also be a special dynamic.
Ask me more about this in a free strategy call
What a past client says to those on the fence:
"The reason you are looking for help with porn is because you need help with porn. So long as you are willing to put in the time between calls, Danny can help you." -S.