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We Work With People One-on-One

For us, having a coach made all the difference in getting to that next level of healing and fulfillment.

For our marriage relationship and our relationships with ourselves.

People we've worked with are saying the same thing.

Connect With Danny
Connect With Lindsay

35. Spending Time Self-Coaching Actually Saves You Time

Show Notes:

If you think you can’t afford to spend time self-coaching, we ask you this:

What if you can’t afford not to self-coach?

Self-coaching is a way to practice managing your own mind.

We’re talking about how having a regular practice of self-coaching can actually create more time for you.

How it can create more ease and clarity in your life.

Less willpower-battling and more sustainable power.

Why people don’t want to do it.

Some of the pitfalls people run in to.

Our personal experience with self-coaching and just how impactful it has been.

Accelerate your desired results by starting with managing your mind.

Repetition is key.

We offer a basic, step by step way to get started.

Our clients who utilize regular self-coaching progress toward their goals much faster.

What if you prioritized meetings with yourself the way you would a meeting with the most “important” person in the world?

You are the CEO of your own life, after all.

An invitation.

Link to Danny’s blog post (on his old website), “It May Surprise You What a Year of Coaching Did For Me. It Sure Surprised Me!”:

https://iamoutofmymind.wpcomstaging.com/2020/01/10/it-may-surprise-you-what-a-year-of-coaching-did-for-me-it-sure-surprised-me/

Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com

Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness

For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:

https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Episode 34: Validation

Show Notes:

 

Lots of people want to feel validated, but what does that mean? And what does that look like in marriage?

Don’t expect your validation to all come from one person. (Have a few different sources for different subjects)

The most important person to get validation from is yourself.

You don’t have to validate anyone that you don’t want to.

Be willing to recognize whether validation is the most helpful thing for you in that moment.

When is validation useful?

When is validation not useful?

Even if other people validate and agree with you, you are still responsible for how you choose to think/feel/act.

Validation is comfortable. While “being comforted” can be nice, comfort doesn’t always lead to growth.

Safety + Discomfort -> Growth

Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com

Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness

For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:

https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Episode 33: People Pleasing in Marriage, Part 2

Show Notes:

Alternatives to people pleasing:

The importance of wanting.

Charity: pure love.

Permission to say “no” helps saying “yes” genuinely come from you.

Do you think you should be abandoned?

Do you think you are worth being married too?

I mean the REAL you.

We make this about how others judge us, but it’s about how we judge ourselves.

If people you care about are upset with you, and you don’t see this as anything having gone wrong, how different would your approach be?

How to show up and support your spouse even better in this situation.

Personal experience with doing the dishes.

If you are not in a position to talk about something at the moment, say “no” and find another time that can be a genuine “yes” from both of you.

It’s not other people’s job to like me, that’s my job.

“I love you. And, ’No.’”

Improve your life and relationships through less people pleasing.

You can do things you don’t want to do, just tell yourself the truth about it.

Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com

Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness

For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:

https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Episode 32: People Pleasing in Marriage, Part 1

Show Notes:

People pleasing comes up a lot with people we work with.

It promotes shame and secrecy, not being authentic to yourself.

It can interfere with intimacy and connection and healthier relationship.

How we see this show up in people’s marriages.

The term “people pleasing” sounds too pretty, too pleasant.

We’re talking about what people pleasing really is.

How to spot it.

Why we do it.

Why it can almost feel like life-or-death.

How to do something constructive about it.

Some personal experiences.

Maybe you’re worried that honesty with her will limit your access to porn AND to sex with her at the same time.

If you don’t know how to control your habits/urges yet, or how to want life without porn, this can be very threatening.

Why trying to change how your spouse feels (help them feel better) isn’t always the most useful approach.

Part 2 coming next week.

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com

Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness

For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:

https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Episode 31: How Grounding Can Help Your Marriage, Part 2

Show Notes:

What kind of thoughts are grounding?

Which ones aren’t?

Thoughts create Feelings, Feelings drive Actions, Actions create Results.

The results in your life start with your thoughts.

Thoughts are optional.

What if you knew that you could handle any emotion or body sensation (or urge) that came your way?

What would that be like?

How do you start creating a more fully engaged human experience for yourself?

Reframing things in your mind can make all the difference. 

So let’s do it intentionally. Because it’s life-changing in all the most important ways.

Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com

Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness

For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:

https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Episode 30: How Grounding Can Help Your Marriage, Part 1

Show Notes:

Like an electrical circuit, the human body has energy and even literally electricity flowing through it.

Thoughts and emotions have energy to them.

But what do you do when it feels like there is a short circuit?

What can you do with the excess energy or the energy that’s stuck?

Or with emotional pain that seems overwhelming?

Or with urges that seem overpowering?

Grounding is a place to start.

It is a skill you can learn.

Some activities may be more naturally grounding for you. Find what works for you.

Some different ideas on how to approach grounding.

When it comes down to it, where you place your focus can make almost any activity either grounding or not grounding.

Tune in to Part 2 next week for tips on how to involve that most important part in your grounding. The part of you where it all begins: your brain.

Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com

Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness

For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:

https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Episode 29: What Does It Mean to Be a Provider?

Show Notes:

How do you approach your decisions about money in your marriage?

Do you feel insecure? Get defensive? Do you just defer to the one making the money to make the “big” money decisions?

This comes up for people all the time in our conversations with them.

When Danny stopped working for a time, and Lindsay began working, it felt like our world got turned upside down.

It was challenging. There were doubts, insecurities, friction to be worked through.

You don’t need your circumstances to become drastic or dire to learn these valuable lessons from our experience. You may able to relate to the unhelpful thinking patterns we discovered during this time.

Why we struggle having conversations about money or making decisions about money as a couple?

Some helpful strategies.

Some alternative ways to think about it without limiting yourself.

What it means to be a provider and why this is so important.

How going to bat for yourself can actually help your loved one and your relationship.

A funny example.

Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com

Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness

For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:

https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Episode 28: The Decisions You Don't Even Know You Are Making

Show Notes:

Deciding is one of the most powerful things we do. In fact, all of your power starts with deciding.

How are you directing that power?

What holds you back?

What decisions might you be making without even realizing it?

We are talking about how your brain might be behaving in these situations, and how you can better utilize that machinery to create the life you want. To make the change you’ve been looking for. To take some of that weight off of your shoulders.

You are probably lugging more weight around with you than you realize with your approach to decisions.

How to unload the heavy backpack, and take your next step forward in a new direction.

Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com

Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness

For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:

https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Episode 27: Results - Why You Are Where You Are Now

Show Notes:

What are your current results in life and why do you have those results?

If you know you want something more, don’t get ahead of yourself.

First, it’s so important to understand why you are where you are now. Doing so will allow you to create new results in your life.

We are using the Self-Coaching Model to explain how to start this process.

How it has impacted us personally. How it is impacting clients.

What blindspots might you have in your own brain/thought patterns?

Even though actions are what create results, your results ultimately start somewhere else.

Results are evidence of your underlying, optional, thinking.

An example of a real person’s model.

How to map out your desired results.

How to follow through with your desired actions instead of fizzling out along the way. Hint: more will power is not the answer.

Why we think we need to change the past or other people.

Use the energy of “It’s possible” when choosing your desired results.

Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com

Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness

For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:

https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Episode 26: Feelings Drive Your Actions More Than You Know

Show Notes:

Some people say “I don’t have time for feelings, I just need to get the job done.” But what they don’t know is that feelings help get the job done.

That’s why we are talking about feelings in this episode. If you want to achieve your goals, get out of pain, improve your life, grow, then feelings are crucial.

Many of us naturally disconnect from our feelings.

Feelings drive your actions.

What are they? Where do they come from?

Where do I start? How do we approach them without getting overwhelmed?

What if it feels awkward, uncomfortable.

How to get intentional with your feelings and influence what feelings you have by choice. Instead of just waiting to see what the feelings-weather is like that day or getting run over by the feelings bus.

Feeling feelings cannot harm you. Resisting them can.

Physical sensations vs. Feelings (emotions)

If you are not taking the action you want to see from yourself, it is because of something you are feeling.

Some steps to get you started so you can use your feelings to your advantage.

Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com

Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness

For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:

https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Episode 25: Fact vs. Story

Show Notes:

What stories about your problem do you assume to be true?

We’re discussing why this is so important to look at. How it can reduce your pain. How it can empower you to take control of your life in a new way.

How it can help you create results you don’t even currently realize are possible.

Some personal examples.

Could the stories you tell in your brain be creating your results in your life? Could they be optional?

Circumstances (Facts):

  • -neutral data points that have happened in the world
  • -something about which everyone agrees
  • -no adjectives or judgments

Thoughts (Story):

  • -sentences in your mind
  • -things we think about the neutral circumstances
  • -opinions/perspectives
  • -create feelings
  • -are always optional

Thoughts seem like circumstances.

Thoughts affect everything.

A helpful exercise: question everything you think is a circumstance.

Some examples of thoughts (story) and circumstances (facts) that we commonly see with married couples and pornography.

The difference between talking with a friend/family member compared to talking to a coach.

Use feelings as a clue where to start in managing your own mind.

Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.

For more information from Lindsay: lindsaypoelman.com

Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness

 

Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:

https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Episode 24: Intentional Healing

Show Notes:

Why are we talking about this?

-for people who want to heal from past injuries

-but also for people trying to get in the game and perform at a higher level

Danny’s experience with PTSD. Lindsay’s experience with numbing.

Our bodies want to heal. Period. Not only physically but also emotionally.

3 steps to intentional healing:

-safety

-correction

-repetition

Be your own biggest proponent for your healthcare and healing in general.

This is not only about healing and recovering from past injuries (physical or emotional), but also about the future.

If you became really skilled at healing, what would that mean for you?

What goals could you go for more confidently? What could you create? What kinds of failures could you tolerate on the way to success?

Some useful questions to ask when your body gives you physical cues.

Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com

Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness

For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:

https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Episode 23: Fear of Failure

Show Notes:

Bad news: if you want a change or want to accomplish something new, you’ll need to fail, a lot. We’re talking about why we naturally think this is bad news and how it might actually be good news.

 

Why do we fear failure? What is so bad about it? Which part of that do we actually control?

 

Failing well is a skill. And an essential one to get you where you really want to go. How to start developing that skill.

 

Some empowering questions from Linz at the end. And, as usual, some personal experiences thrown in along the way.

 

Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.

 

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com

 

Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness

 

For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

 

Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:

https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Episode 22: Who You Are vs. Who You Want the World to See

Show Notes:

You know that space between who you actually are and who you want the world to see? We’re talking about that here. Why is it there? How do we bring them into alignment? What gets in the way?

Whether it’s wanting to be the kind of guy that doesn’t look at porn (while you’re not that guy yet). Or some other way that your current situation doesn’t quite match with where you want to be. You can bridge the gap if that’s what you want. There really is a way. So tune in.

Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com

Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness

For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:

https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Episode 21: Real Self-Care Is Different Than What You Think It Is

Show Notes:

Why are we talking about self-care? Maybe you’ve heard it’s important. Maybe you want to get better at it but struggle to know where to start. Or maybe you have a hard time getting yourself to do the things that you’d really like to do to take care of yourself. We’ve been there. We can relate.

Join us as we talk about what real self-care is and why it is important. Signs that you might not be taking care of yourself in some way. How to use self-care to help you better achieve your goals in life. Examples of things that may not actually be self-care when you think it is.

Real self-care comes from love and worthiness and not fear or shame. Some personal examples. A discussion of some examples of real self-care. How to better access the power of self-care.

Lindsay teaches an exercise on how to begin this process.

Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com

Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness

For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:

https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

 

Episode 20: Managing Triggers When Going in Public With Your Husband

Show Notes:

Do you struggle going out in public together? Are you worried about your husband’s wandering eyes? Do you hate the feelings that come up? Do you feel like you’d rather just not go out, or have to control how and where you go to work around this?

We are talking about why you might be having these feelings and how to work through them and manage them in a more empowering way.

For you husbands who worry about your own triggers and wandering eyes, some tips for how to approach this as well. 

You have so much more power than you think to manage this, understand it, and make it what you want.

Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.

For more information from Lindsay: lindsaypoelman.com

Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness

For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn: https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:

https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

 

Episode 19: For the Parents of the Person Who Needs Coaching

Show Notes:

People often hire us to coach their kids, whether they are trying to go on a mission, a return missionary, or just learning to navigate their life as a young adult. Since they are the ones paying and their loved one is the one getting coached, sometimes there are some questions that come up.

In this podcast, we address some of those questions. We take you through some of the things that might be going on in your mind, what to start being aware of, and helpful ways to proceed in making your decision.

How to best show up for and support your loved one who is getting coached, before starting coaching, through your decision whether to pay for coaching or not, and during the coaching process.

Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.

For more information from Lindsay: lindsaypoelman.com

Lindsay’s guide on How to Solve Any Problem: https://lindsaypoelmancoaching.com/free/ 

For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn: https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover:

https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk

Episode 18: Fifty/Fifty: How to Start Mastering Your Emotions and Why

Show Notes:

A powerful concept to help you in your efforts to manage your emotions: 50/50. What buffering is and why we do it. Common pitfalls in the way we approach our negative emotions.

The 50/50 progression. How this can help you to drop habits you want to drop, reach your goals, and start creating in a way that’s unstoppable. You only have one life as a human, so how do you make the most of experiencing the full human experience.

Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life.

For more information from Lindsay: lindsaypoelman.com

Lindsay’s guide on How to Solve Any Problem: https://lindsaypoelmancoaching.com/free/ 

 

Episode 17: Being Home Together: Problem or Opportunity?

Show Notes:

Do you have problems from being quarantined? Or have you just been quarantining your problems?

Get a little insight into why things might not be as pretty as you’d hoped they’d be while you are all quarantined at home together. Some helpful tips.

A guide on how to stay sane during this time, and really any time. Because the reality is, you can have anxiety/stress provoking thoughts and feelings at any time, COVID-19 or not, quarantined or not. 

Likewise, you can show yourself some love by owning what you can control, empowering yourself, and showing up the way you want to. Now is the best time to do this.

Have tons of urges to look at pornography? Take this as an opportunity to find out why. Don’t love the dynamic between you and your spouse while both at home with the kids? Don’t miss out on the valuable information there.

Take care of yourself so you can better take care of others.

Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys stop looking at porn. Lindsay helps women drop the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create a dream marriage with reality.

For more information from Lindsay: lindsaypoelman.com 

Lindsay’s guide on How to Solve Any Problem: https://lindsaypoelmancoaching.com/free/ 

 

Episode 16: Navigating the Fear Cycle

Show Notes:

Nothing has gone wrong if you’ve felt fear. If you’ve never felt afraid then you might not be human.

How we end up in a fear cycle and how to break out of it. Some useful questions and helpful tips.

A few personal experiences mixed in.

Why the feeling of fear itself cannot actually harm you.

Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys stop looking at porn. Lindsay helps women in their marriage whether it’s affected by porn or not.

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or dannypoelman.com

For Danny's free guide on How to Stop Looking at Porn to help get you started:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Episode 15: When Your Progress Isn't Fast Enough For Your Spouse

Show Notes:

Do you feel hurt when your spouse says you aren’t progressing fast enough? Or even just from imagining they are thinking this? You are not alone.

Being sensitive to something someone says about you can be an amazing opportunity. How to turn it into an opportunity instead of just more needless suffering.

Join life coaches, and married couple, Danny and Lindsay Poelman as they discuss:

  • challenges we are faced with when it comes to this.
  • an example from a client.
  • where the hurt actually comes from.
  • a dart throwing analogy.
  • how to manage it
  • an empowering way to look at it.
  • some personal experiences from their own marriage
  • how it relates to pornography in a Latter-day Saint Marriage

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or dannypoelman.com

For Lindsay's Guide to Processing Pain:

https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/processpain

For Danny's free guide on How to Stop Looking at Porn to help get you started:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

 

Episode 14: Want Awareness

Show Notes:

Many of us don’t take the time to tap into what it is that we want in life. Maybe we avoid it because: we think we won’t get it, think we shouldn’t want it (judge ourselves), think we’ll get our hopes up and they’ll be dashed, think others wants are more important than our own, think there’s not enough of the thing we want to get some for us, think there is not enough time/energy/money to get it. Maybe we just don’t know how to want.

Life coaches Danny and Lindsay Poelman have a discussion of why it is important to learn how to want intentionally, with a hefty dose of awareness. How it can be life changing. And how it relates to pornography, urges, marriage, and personal development.

Giving yourself space to want can help you:

  1. Live in your zone of genius
  2. Live the life you are meant to live
  3. Act with more power than ever before

How to start doing this. And see Lindsay’s freebie below to help get you started. How can you live the life of your dreams if you are not willing to dream?

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or dannypoelman.com

For Lindsay's Free Guide on The Capacity to Dream:

https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/capacity

For Danny's free guide on How to Stop Looking at Porn to help get you started:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Episode 13: Understanding Your Relationship in a New Way

Show Notes:

What kind of marriage relationship do you have? One where you always feel the need to stick up for yourself? Or where you are complying and being the peacekeeper all while seething inside? Have you become apathetic and given up on the chance of things being better? Or are you on the offensive, attacking, backbiting, cheating, criticizing?

Certified life coaches Danny and Lindsay Poelman as they discuss pornography and marriage. They share some insights into their relationship before and now. A new way to understand you marriage relationship and, really, your relationship with anybody/anything. Will you wait around for someone to fix your relationship for you or will you own what is your responsibility and start experiencing empowering changes right now?

Lindsay shares a step by step way to start this process.

How to manage your relationship by managing your own mind.

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com

For Lindsay's Guide to Processing Pain:

https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/processpain

For Danny's free guide on How to Stop Looking at Porn to help get you started:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

 

Episode 12: Why Should She Get Help?

Show Notes:

“Why should I get help when he’s the one with the problem!” Only you know if you need help from a coach or not. But if you are wanting something from your life, and you are not getting there (maybe you’re even stuck!), you may want to consider hiring a coach for yourself. Join certified life coaches Danny and Lindsay Poelman as they discuss examples of problems the spouse of the one looking at porn might come to us with. Lindsay shares her personal experience of going from victim and disempowered to empowered and totally boss! Benefits such as better physical health, more present with kids, better overall enjoyment of life, and even showing up better in marriage and other relationships.

Sometimes the best way we can help those we love most is by getting help for ourselves and taking care of ourselves. This seems counterintuitive to some at first. Join us as we discuss why and how this process works.

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or dannypoelman.com

For Lindsay's Guide to Processing Pain:

https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/processpain

For Danny's free guide on How to Stop Looking at Porn to help get you started:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Episode 11: Feelings Don't Come From Roses. They Come From Thoughts.

Show Notes:

Valentine’s Day, like other holidays, can be triggering for people. Some people will be more likely to look at porn around holidays. Some people just can’t seem to have the Valentine’s Day experience they dream of.

Join certified life coaches Danny and Lindsay Poelman as they discuss why that is and why can it seem even more complicated in a marriage relationship. How to be aware of what you might be doing, that you think is helping, but may actually be hurting. Some alternative approaches that may get you closer to the results you actually want in your marriage.

For more information from Lindsay: lindsaypoelman.com

For Lindsay's Guide to Processing Pain, https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/processpain

 

Episode 10: How to Calm Down

Show Notes:

Many of us want to calm down when we feel unpleasant emotions but our approach often makes it worse. How to calm down by allowing the UNcalm first and working through it in a more healthy way. A way that helps with stopping porn (or other addiction-like behaviors), with your relationship with yourself and relationships with others, including marriage.

A quote from the life coach of a kung fu master.

Some practical techniques discussed. But if we only focus on actions to take then we miss out on sustainable long term results. How life coaching can help you address your emotions from the inside out rather than getting stuck on the outside in.

How to increase your awareness and rewire your brain by tapping into the present moment. Let it be a process as you seek improvement in your relationship with anxiety, depression, fear, shame, lack of confidence, hopelessness, and any other emotions that are difficult for you right now.

For more information from Lindsay: lindsaypoelman.com

Episode 9: Am I Crazy?

Show Notes:

A discussion about ways that a we sometimes doubt ourselves or see ourselves as broken. For the one using porn: “Why does part of me want this and part of me not? Why can’t I stop when I try with willpower? Am I not strong enough? Diseased? Defective?” For the one married to the someone secretly using porn: “Was I wrong about him? About our marriage? About what I thought we had all this time? If I missed this, what else could I be missing?”

“Once an addict, always an addict” may not be that useful for everyone to believe about themselves.

For many people, we need a better solution than 12 steps.

It’s okay to feel crazy. Just because you feel crazy doesn’t mean you are crazy or that something is wrong with you.

Some helpful information/ideas to navigate these challenges.

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or dannypoelman.com

For Danny's free guide on How to Stop Looking at Porn to help get you started:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

Episode 8: Managing Overwhelm

Show Notes:

What it was like for Danny when telling Lindsay about his struggles with pornography. What it was like for Lindsay managing life as a working mom and caretaker. How we struggled with overwhelm. What made it worse? What helped? Patterns we noticed. We discuss some practical approaches to managing overwhelm, sharing some specific examples. Some strategies you can begin implementing simply and right away.

For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or dannypoelman.com

For Danny's free guide on How to Stop Looking at Porn to help get you started:

https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

 

Episode 7: Trust

 

Episode 6: Boundaries

 

Episode 5: Don't Need to "Fix Him" to Feel Better

Episode 4: How to Feel Safe

Episode 3: Divorce or Not?

Episode 2: Dealing With Shame

Episode 1: Telling Her

Show Notes:

Why are we doing this podcast? To help people who are struggling in shame, silently, with something that affects so many people. Yet no one wants to talk about it. So if we can talk about this as a couple, committed, and loving each other, in an open empowering way, then we want to. What it was like for Danny when he first told Linz about using pornography. What it was like for Lindsay. What helped? How we can accept, appreciate it and thank our process for what it was.

For more information from Lindsay: lindsaypoelman.com

For Danny's free guide on How to Stop Looking at Porn to help get you started:
https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l

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