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Come-From-Behind Periodic Wins vs. Sustainable Blowout Wins

Uncategorized Nov 06, 2020

The way we motivate ourselves is important.

Because we have all these things that we want to do or feel like we need to do.

There are many different ways to motivate yourself.

Some ways discourage you so much you don’t even start.

Some ways are effective in helping you perform at a certain level, but you feel hurried and a bit miserable along the way (I’ve just gotta get through this quick).

Or you get into the hustle-burnout-hustle-burnout cycle that isn’t as consistent or sustainable as you’d like it to be.

And, believe it or not, there are ways to motivate yourself that are more consistent, sustainable, and enjoyable.

Using Deficit as a Means of Motivation

A means of motivation I notice a lot of my clients using is this idea that they are deficient in some way.

They believe that they are:

  • Behind
  • Not enough
  • Not yet worthy

We do this in different areas.:

  • Goals with porn
  • Money
  • Time
  • Roles you play (husband/wife, friend, person, son/daughter, church member, employee, parent)

The beliefs usually look something like this (input any of these words: “goals with porn, money, time, role” in the blank):

  • I should be further along by now with _______.
  • I need to prove that I’m worthy when it comes to _____.
  • I’ve never done/made enough when it comes to _____.
  • I don’t do/make enough now when it comes to _____.
  • I might not have/do/be enough in the future when it comes to _____.

Why do we do it?

We were taught to do it: by parents, employers, church, etc.. Don't forget, someone taught them to do it too. It's around in our culture.

We like underdog stories. Who doesn't like an underdog story! Most of us probably consider ourselves underdogs, and view that as a good thing. So being behind and having to prove yourself against overwhelming odds is not only entertaining but noble in our eyes. 

It kind of works for us. Even if it's not as consistent and sustainable as we would always like it to be, it does work to motivate and get stuff done. Many employers want us to feel like we are behind, in a hurry, and not quite doing enough.

It can create urgency. Feeling hurried can be something that gets us up and moving to get it done fast. Fast results are valued by many people. And many of us think that in order to do fast/efficient work we need to feel "hurried" while we do it.

Client Example:

A client of mine, like me, likes to be competitive and win. He uses winning to motivate himself with urges.

To him, triple overtime wins are way more exciting than blowout wins. I get it.

But this is a problem with urges. He accidentally put an incentive in place for himself and the urges to be evenly matched. To win some and to lose some.

We put ourselves in a position where we have a let down game (explain).

We do a back to back, where the triple overtime game goes long the night before on the west coast, then you travel to the east coast for an early game the next day.

Even though you had the emotional win the night before, your team is drained and you have a let down game. Many teams typically lose in these situations, even if the opponent isn't that great.

This is problematic for any goal that you want to be sustainable or consistent.

With urges, do we really want to make it a close call instead of just blow them out in a dominant, consistent way?

For me, I prefer to blow urges out consistently, without missing a step.

This is the new skill my client is beginning to develop.

Other Client Example:

My other client used to find ways to feel behind because, if you are behind, you have to earn your way back up.

But this was his main means of motivation.

He almost needed to feel “behind” in order to motivate himself to get up and going.

Problem: one of the things that put him "behind" (in his mind) was to look at porn.

We realized that he would often look at porn before starting work for the day.

It was to create a deficit that he then needed to prove his way out of.

If you like come from behind victories than you create an incentive to be behind.

This begged the questions:

  • But what if he was never in a deficit to begin with?
  • What if porn doesn't put you behind?
  • What if being "deficient" or "behind" is just a made up story in our brains?
  • What story serves you better in achieving your goals?

But then how do you motivate yourself?

First of all, consider the possibility that you can motivate yourself without feeling behind or deficient in some way.

It is possible, let me just tell you. It feels better and it works better.

Feelings my clients and I are practicing cultivating as our motivators:

  • Love.
  • Enthusiasm.
  • Pride.
  • Enjoyment.
  • Courage.
  • Self-compassion.
  • Inspired.
  • Ambition.
  • Confidence.
  • Passion.
  • Engagement.
  • Fun.
  • Authenticity.
  • Patience.
  • Romance.
  • Grit.
  • Curiosity.
  • Gratitude.
  • Devotion.
  • Purposefulness.
  • Power.
  • Trust.
  • Self-esteem.
  • Abundance.

If you change your approach, you get to:

  • Expand in love
  • Intentionally heal
  • Enrich your life
  • Sustainable create.

Go For the Blowout Win

What if you can be the boring dominant team that just blows out every urge that you match up with?

Does that really sound so bad?

What if that doesn’t have to be boring?

What if it’s actually much more exciting?


How can you create a more compelling case for yourself in this way?

In terms of abundance, enough-ness, sustainability.

Change the narrative.


When you do this, you’ll achieve your goals with more ease and enjoyment.

With less of the exhausting willpower battle that is inconsistent and feels forced.

The porn becomes less relevant.

Your real life experience becomes something you enjoy engaging in more instead of rushing through it.

You actually get more done.

You find success more authentically and more easily.

This is just part of what we’re working on over here.

It you want to be a part of it, click here and schedule a free consult with me now.


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