If you want a change, you need to be willing to fail.
All failing really means is that something didn't go as we expected it to go.
Fear of failure is likely to come up when we:
When fear of failure comes up, we get to decide whether we are going to:
Continue to go for what we really want.
just try to keep coasting.
In short, if you want to succeed, you need to fail, a lot.
Fear of failure can make coasting seem very appealing. We naturally think the uncomfortable feelings come from the goal itself.
So we think that moving away from the goal gets rid of those feelings.
Coasting will still be 50% comfortable and 50% uncomfortable. It will be 50/50 before, after, and on the way to reaching your goal.
The discomfort from coasting, in my opinion, is worse than the discomfort from intentional growth.
The uncomfortable feelings are actually coming from your thoughts and not from the goal.
The thoughts creating all that discomfort will be full of limiting beliefs. And they are all optional.
That's why setting a big goal, and inviting the uncomfortable feelings in, is such a good way to identify your limiting beliefs.
To reach the goals that really matter to you, you need to change your limiting beliefs to beliefs that serve you.
You need to identify them first in order to change them.
You can do this intentionally.
One of the reasons I love being an entrepreneur is because of all the limiting beliefs it helps me identify.
I also sometimes hate how uncomfortable the feelings from those beliefs are.
But I'm learning to say "bring it on!"
Bring on the shame.
Bring on the anxiety.
Bring on the feelings of inadequacy.
I would rather feel shame/anxiety/inadequacy than look at porn. How about you?
What’s so bad about failure? How we feel.
The worst thing that can happen to you is a feeling.
Feelings come from thoughts.
Our thoughts are optional.
"So you're telling me that what I'm most afraid of is a feeling that I can control whether I feel or not?"
Or I can:
Experiencing a feeling is so much more manageable when you allow it instead of resist it.
Just vibrations in your body.
You can breath right into it.
Your lower brain will try to convince you it is life-threatening and you might die.
You won't actually die from a feeling.
The human brain is designed to look for things that can go wrong.
But you can redirect it.
If we don’t learn how to do it well, we will not reach our goals the way we want to. The goals that really matter to us.
What if I said I’m going to learn to shoot a basketball, but I’m only willing to do it if I don’t have to miss any shots.
Okay, I’ll miss a couple times but if more than that, I’m out.
If I air ball it, no way. I’m out immediately.
Sounds ridiculous right?
But we do this in other parts of our lives.
What if I could have as much fun failing in work as I do while failing to make a jump shot.
Can failing be fun?
Can it be exciting?
Can it be something we value?
What if the most useful information to get you to your goal is embedded in your failure.
That’s why we need to be willing to fail as many times as it takes.
The way we feel when we fail is dictated by how we think.
Let’s decide right now how we’re going to think.
Learning to fail well:
What's the next worthy fail you will seek out?
How can you fail your way forward?
How might accelerating your rate of failure be more advantageous to you than avoiding failure (yes, even with porn)?
How much living are you missing out on by being afraid?
What could you accomplish if you were willing to feel discomfort?
Need help learning the users' manual for your brain?
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And, as always, feel free to email me at [email protected] with any questions or just to connect.