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Fear of Failure

Uncategorized May 08, 2020

If you want a change, you need to be willing to fail.

All failing really means is that something didn't go as we expected it to go.

Fear of failure is likely to come up when we:

  • Set a new goal
  • Try to grow in some way
  • Attempt to make a change
  • Are thrust into change

When fear of failure comes up, we get to decide whether we are going to:

Continue to go for what we really want.


just try to keep coasting.

In short, if you want to succeed, you need to fail, a lot.

"But Coasting Sounds Better"

Fear of failure can make coasting seem very appealing. We naturally think the uncomfortable feelings come from the goal itself.

So we think that moving away from the goal gets rid of those feelings.

Coasting will still be 50% comfortable and 50% uncomfortable. It will be 50/50 before, after, and on the way to reaching your goal.

The discomfort from coasting, in my opinion, is worse than the discomfort from intentional growth.

The Discomfort Doesn't Come From Your Goal

The uncomfortable feelings are actually coming from your thoughts and not from the goal.

The thoughts creating all that discomfort will be full of limiting beliefs. And they are all optional.

That's why setting a big goal, and inviting the uncomfortable feelings in, is such a good way to identify your limiting beliefs.

Discover Your Limiting Beliefs

To reach the goals that really matter to you, you need to change your limiting beliefs to beliefs that serve you.

You need to identify them first in order to change them.

You can do this intentionally.


One of the reasons I love being an entrepreneur is because of all the limiting beliefs it helps me identify.

I also sometimes hate how uncomfortable the feelings from those beliefs are.

But I'm learning to say "bring it on!"

Bring on the shame.

Bring on the anxiety.

Bring on the feelings of inadequacy.

I would rather feel shame/anxiety/inadequacy than look at porn. How about you?

The Worst Thing About Failure

What’s so bad about failure? How we feel.

The worst thing that can happen to you is a feeling.

Feelings come from thoughts.

Our thoughts are optional.

"So you're telling me that what I'm most afraid of is a feeling that I can control whether I feel or not?"

Yes! Exactly!


I can:

  • think about the goal and feel all those feelings I'm scared of feeling up front (even though the "failure" hasn't even happened yet).
  • back out and fail up front.
  • leave myself in a situation that, interestingly, looks a lot like the worst case scenario if I go for this and fail. (usually you are already experiencing the worst case scenario right now anyway)

Or I can:

  • decide up front to have my own back if I fail.
  • Invite the uncomfortable feelings for long enough to identify the thoughts behind them and change them.
  • Actually give myself a chance to succeed.

Feelings Can't Hurt You

Experiencing a feeling is so much more manageable when you allow it instead of resist it.

Just vibrations in your body.

You can breath right into it.

Your lower brain will try to convince you it is life-threatening and you might die.

You won't actually die from a feeling.

Nothing's Gone Wrong

The human brain is designed to look for things that can go wrong.

But you can redirect it.

Failing is a Skill

If we don’t learn how to do it well, we will not reach our goals the way we want to. The goals that really matter to us.

Learning to Fail Well

What if I said I’m going to learn to shoot a basketball, but I’m only willing to do it if I don’t have to miss any shots.

Okay, I’ll miss a couple times but if more than that, I’m out.

If I air ball it, no way. I’m out immediately.

Sounds ridiculous right?

But we do this in other parts of our lives.

What if I could have as much fun failing in work as I do while failing to make a jump shot.

Can failing be fun?

Can it be exciting?

Can it be something we value?

Information Embedded in Your Failure

What if the most useful information to get you to your goal is embedded in your failure.

That’s why we need to be willing to fail as many times as it takes.

The way we feel when we fail is dictated by how we think.

Let’s decide right now how we’re going to think.

In Summary

Learning to fail well:

  1. Helps you be successful with your goals
  2. Feels better
  3. Allows for change

What's the next worthy fail you will seek out?

How can you fail your way forward?

How might accelerating your rate of failure be more advantageous to you than avoiding failure (yes, even with porn)?

How much living are you missing out on by being afraid?

What could you accomplish if you were willing to feel discomfort?

Need help learning the users' manual for your brain?
Check out my How to Stop Looking at Porn Program by scheduling a free consultation with me. Find out more about a consultation: click here.

And, as always, feel free to email me at [email protected] with any questions or just to connect.


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