My Heroic (Non-Fool-Proof?) Plan to Quit My "Addiction - A Me-Story
Let me get real with you in a way that AI will never really be able to do.
I feel like the internet is flooded right now with stuff that was written by ChatGPT, or created by AI.
As cool and useful as it can be, I get tired of it sometimes. How about you?
A Me-Story - My Heroic (Non-Fool-Proof?) Plan to Quit My "Addiction"
Me as a dentist 10 years ago.
I just finished a big, stressful work week (you would think this description narrowed down which week it was, but every week felt like this).
I didn't to do anything Friday night, I was too tired.
It's Saturday. We have a few social gatherings as options this weekend, and of course a few hours of church tomorrow, with responsibilities for my position in church.
Linz and the kids head out to the first gathering without me. I stay back.
Lawn mowed. Bathrooms cleaned. Involved with little kid care. Whose the man?!
I'm doing all the things.
House to my self.
No plans to indulge in my secret porn habit. But scared it will come up again.
It always comes up when I'm alone at home, I think.
Watching TV. relaxing. It hits me.
This compulsion. I didn't have words for it at the time.
All I know is, this is that same feeling that has overwhelmed me so many times before no matter how hard or long I fight it.
Here we go again.
Do I fight it this time?
Or do I just give in because I know I'll give in eventually anyway?
I feel guilt for even wanting to view porn.
I feel unworthy of the spirit and the priesthood (Mormon things).
But I feel excited about the anticipation at the same time.
And part of me almost feels like it's a life-or-death situation whether I give in to this compulsion or not.
I know it's not really life-or-death. But it sure feels this way.
And then... same old same old.
I blew my streak again.
I suck.
Why am I so weak when it comes to this?
I'll never overcome this.
Shame. Fear. Totally Disempowered.
But at least I feel relief from all those feelings I was having before it happened.
I'm bad.
I can't even control this.
If people knew the truth about me, they'd know what a scumbag I am.
(such lovely self-talk.)
I was my own worst judge, and man was I good at judging me!
Lonely. Isolated.
I can't talk to anybody about this.
My Plan:
I'll recommit.
I'll try even harder this time.
I'll be even more diligent about reading my scriptures and praying.
I'll get myself worthy again, but it will take some time and some proof through my actions (and once my new streak is big enough).
Gotta earn that worthiness!!!
I promise it will be different this time.
I just need to be even stronger. and I don't know how I will be stronger specifically, I just know I will. (yeah right! so much self-doubt in the back of my mind).
This was the last time, but for real this time. (I've said this a hundred times at this point).
So here is the summary of my plan to address what I called my "addiction" back then:
- as much shame and self-punishment as possible (This will help me change)
- Just be stronger next time
- Just don't do it
- Pray harder. Do more religious actions.
- Keep it to myself (I'll figure this out on my own)
- Hustle harder
- Try not to be alone with devices (even tried internet filters which I always found my way around if I wanted to)
How Did My Plan Work Out? The Results?
Rinse and repeat.
Returned to my habit every 2-6 weeks.
Some binging at times.
And lots and lots of recommitting.
Nothing changed.
But man did I fight hard and try with all my might!
My effort was both gargantuan and righteous!
At least I don't go down without a fight, I think (even thought now I know all that white-knuckling made quitting even harder).
Things I tried and still stayed stuck
Therapy with therapists who told me "this will always be an issue." (What B.S.! and what a terrible thing to tell someone).
12-steps group.
Talking to Bishop (ecclesiastical leader).
Accountability partner
Wife as accountability partner
internet filter, Linz has password
try to never be alone with access to internet on a personal device
I guess I had to learn what didn't work to help me learn what did.
And in my 7 years of being a life coach for men on this topic (for dads, doctors, entrepreneurs, professionals, you name it, mormons, not mormons, religious people, non-religious people), I've seen it work countless times with my clients as well.
Is it easy? No.
But it will be way easier, simpler, than what you've been trying.
It will be more empowering, love-based, and effective than what you've been trying.
A Plan That Actually Works
If you want to work with an expert 1-on-1 coach on changing your unwanted habit,
with a plan that actually works.
Click here and sign up for a free consult with me.
I want to hear your story.
And if you want, we can talk about next steps to you creating real, actual change in your habits - that lasts!!
Sincerely,
Danny
P.S.
How will you celebrate when you realize that you've quit your unwanted habit for good?
What will that be like? Feel like?
How would you know it had happened?
What would it be like to have all the tools you need to make that change permanent?
Click here. Let's talk.
