Sex is like eating.
There's a way to do it that contributes to your survival and the survival of the human race.
It is pleasurable.
You can do it in a way to just "get the job done". (ie, eating for fuel, or trying for a baby).
You can do it in ways where pleasure is the end goal.
You can get the job done AND experience pleasure at the same time.
Pleasure (dopamine) is meant to motivate us to, at the very least, survive and reproduce.
You can also do sex or eating in ways that are poisonous to your body and brain. In ways that do not contribute to survival. (ie, overeating sugar, porn).
Pleasure also accompanies some poisonous approaches to sex and eating.
Although I don't believe in fear tactics or trying to shame people in to changing, I do believe porn is poisonous to my brain.
And, yes, there is more and more research coming out about this. (Check out the website, Your Brain On Porn, for more information on this)
I remember having moments, confronted with the option to look at porn, and thinking:
This type of thought creates an urge, a drive, a craving.
Then we start to justify using porn again, even though we have so many reasons to not do it.
We get casual with "small" stuff until it turns into "bigger" stuff.
We have a harder time focusing on the current task.
We anticipate or even start to obsess.
It's harder to be present in the moment.
If we're resisting the urge, we exhaust our will power by white-knuckling.
In this mode, we're more likely to look at porn.
1) convince ourselves it's not a poison, and
2) tell ourselves that we deserve it (as though it's a good thing and not poison).
3) take the poison
It's as though we:
1) convince ourselves that the sugar-coated razor blade is a strawberry (I love strawberries!),
2) tell ourselves we deserve it, and
3) swallow the razor blade (because it tastes good).
What if the effects of porn are less like overeating sugar?
What if it's more like drinking lemonade-flavored bleach?
Or swallowing some chocolate-coated glass?
Something I like to tell myself when the "I deserve this" thought pops up:
When I'm tired at the end of a long day...
When I've just finished something arduous...
When I think that I am "emotionally exhausted"...
If I feel guilt/shame about a mistake...
No matter what the situation, I choose to believe that I deserve better than porn.
Thinking this way creates a more open and peaceful feeling that's more useful than a craving.
This helps me find reasons to stick to my most important goals.
It puts me in a creative/problem-solving headspace.
It helps me to do something that is actually enriching/sustaining/rejuvenating.
It helps me choose a route that leaves me better off than before instead of worse off.
Want to learn how to stop turning to something you know isn't good for you?
Life is way better and healthier without porn.
I'll show you how.