Why I'm So Grateful For Porn

Here's something I've been working on lately. Even though I've gone without porn for a while now, I still experience urges to look at porn.

In Allen Carr's easy way to stop smoking, he says: "Don't try not to think about smoking or worry that you are thinking about it constantly. But whenever you do think about it - whether it be today, tomorrow or the rest of your life - think, 'YIPPEE! I'M A NON-SMOKER!'"

He says to never doubt your decision to stop smoking and to only rejoice over the decision, never mourn. If you see others doing it, instead of thinking "lucky them," or "I'm missing out," pity them, says Mr. Carr.

You can even think this way while having an urge, believe it or not.

So I've been practicing this. And I was surprised to see what came up.

Follow Through Powerfully

When you make a decision, regularly 2nd guessing it doesn't help you to follow through with it. I decided for me a long time ago that I don't want porn in my life.

And this year, at a new level, I've decided to rejoice about this decision and not for a second mope/mourn. This is key to maintaining long-term, sustainable success.

What About Being Sad About It?

What I noticed this week is that there is part of me that is sad I've said goodbye to porn. It's like this part of me has finally realized that this is for real. And this part of me is sad.

To be honest, I was surprised that this came up the way it did at this point. 

In my effort to cultivate the "rejoicing," I ignored this "sad" that was leftover. So it just stuck there because I didn't acknowledge it or process it.

Did you know that if you don't consciously acknowledge/address certain emotions, they don't get processed and can remain stuck?

Much of this emotional processing happens automatically, during REM sleep for example. But for some emotions we need to get consciously involved. It's the same with urges.

At this point, allowing and processing feelings/urges is one of my super powers and something I am known for being able to show guys how to do.

So I basically said, "bring on the sad" and put my powers to work.

Sad to Say Goodbye. Glad to See it Go.

I let myself become conscious of this sadness, I allowed it, and processed it in a new, helpful, and empowering way.

It feels kind of like sending an older brother off to college (or a mission).

Even though you know the time is right, and it's time to say goodbye, and you really do want this. You also ball your eyes out as they drive away (yes, I did this. I have two older brothers.)

And then another feeling arose: gratitude.

Once you process a feeling, often another one arises. It is meant to be this way.

I'm so grateful for porn.

I'm grateful for:

• the way it supported me (back when I believed it was helping me), especially during some times I felt like no one was there to support me.
• the lessons I have learned about myself and about life from my years of struggling with porn.
• the new insights that I gain when urges come up and I use self-coaching tools to understand what is going on in my brain.
• the growth and progress I've been able to create for myself as a result of learning the skills to not look at porn.
• the way that I am now able to support these amazing men (my clients) that come to me who just want to progress, grow, and make their lives more what they want them to be.

I'm so grateful.

And processing the sadness I feel is only helping me move forward in a more powerful, committed, more joyful way than ever.

Ask Yourself:

Is there part of you that is sad to let go of porn? Can we just spend some time honoring that part without judging ourselves?

How can honoring, understanding, and processing this part of you actually help you to more fully, and more genuinely, rejoice over your decision to let go of porn.

What steps would you need to take to have your back more than ever before in your decision to let go of porn? And to follow through sustainably?