Overusing pornography has to do with buffering.

Buffering is to use something external to try to change how we feel internally. In other words, trying to escape uncomfortable feelings. 

It’s the perfect solution for an overstimulated society.

Many of us live inside a disregulated body and a racing mind. This is the result of compounding stress and trauma that leads to overstimulation.

Our culture doesn’t understand the nervous system. This just becomes our normal.

A majority of adults didn’t learn how to self soothe.

Self soothing is learned in our developmental years. 

These developmental years play the groundwork for how we cope with uncomfortable emotions and stress as adults. 

Porn becomes a normalized way of coping because it:

•  increases dopamine (“feel good chemical”) in an unnatural, concentrated way
•  distracts from uncomfortable emotions and the sensations of stress
•  if joined with masturbation can activate the parasympathetic nervous system and reduce fig
...

To Effectively Quit Porn For Good, You Need to Understand This Scientific Principle

Okay, we’re talking about:

1. Pavlov’s dogs
2. Two parts of your brain to be aware of
3. How to be both the scientist (trainer) and the dog

And even if you’ve heard of Pavlov’s Dogs before, I’m going to share with you a twist that a lot of you maybe haven’t heard.

This is a famous experiment that you’ll find in a lot of college text books, especially psychology books.

Pavlov is the name of a scientist who did this experiment with some dogs.

It’s about conditioned, or learned, behavior in the brains of dogs.

Side note: as humans, a simple way to think about it is that we have 2 parts of our brain involved: 

• the lower part of our brain is kind of dog-like (very unconscious and automatic). 
• And The upper part is the part that makes us human (conscious, where we think on purpose).

The Steps of the Experiment

• Ring a bell.
• Bring the dog a treat right after.
• Repeat many tim...

You are not your porn habit.

You can be worthy and view porn at the same time.

You can be whole and complete and view porn at the same time.

Who you truly are is something pornography cannot diminish or touch.

Porn is something you’ve experienced. It is not you.

If it is not you, then what does that mean for you?

It means: 

• you can stop doing it. 
• You can move beyond it. 
• You can expand past it. 
• You can grow through it. 
• You can let it go of it. 
• You can experience life without it.

You are forever. Porn is not.

You are always expanding and growing. Porn just sits there.

Your joy and worthiness can coexist with pornography.

It’s easier to let go of porn when you stop attaching it to your joy and worthiness.

If you are infinite and porn is just a temporary thing. What do you want your life to be?

What do you want your experience with (or without) porn to be from here on out?

You Are Not Your Brain

You have a brain, but you are ...

Which of These 2 Types of People Are You?

Are you the kind of person who keeps trying the same thing expecting different results?

Or are you the kind of person willing to take decisive new action, with new inputs that lead to new results?

Your habits, your feelings, your behavior, your results, 

It all starts with learned thought patterns.

If you don’t learn new thinking, then at Christmas 2024:

• Same thinking
• Same decisions
• Same old results.
• Hiding up in your room on Dec. 25 viewing porn on your new tablet and masturbating

When I say to use Thought Work to learn new thinking,

Some people think this just means to stop thinking about porn whenever you notice thoughts about porn.  

No. This is not what I mean.

For new results/behavior, you’ll need to change the way (the manner in which) you think about porn.

You’ll need to change your thinking around several subjects, including: 

• failure, 
• learning, 
• progress, 
• yourself, 
• commitment, 
• feelings (including urges/cr...

This is You, a Year From Now

You're gonna want to read this Vision. Let's paint a picture. You, a year from now, December 2024: you genuinely feel like your porn habit is a thing of the past you know you are not an addict you know how to continue living life porn-free with confidence, skill, ease, flow you go through a few weekend nights in a row, alone at home, and porn didn’t even cross your mind, you just had other focus the whole time, and it just kind of happens naturally at this point. You didn’t have to rearrange your whole life to avoid thinking about or looking at porn. the way that you trust yourself is off-the-charts better it feels easier to build trust with people close to you you no longer feel like a split-personality, 2 different people at different times depending on the situation. But like what you see is what you get, and you feel great about it. you feel completely, 100% FREE from pornography you feel completely powerful around decisi...

“One does not accumulate but eliminate. It is not daily increase but daily decrease. The height of cultivation always runs to simplicity.” -Bruce Lee

“Perfection is not when there is no more to add, but no more to take away.” -Antoine de Sainte Exulpery, Pioneer of international postal flight, and author of Le Petit Prince (the little prince)

“It is vain to do with more what can be done with less.” - William of Occam, originator of Occam’s razor

A lot of the guys who come to me for coaching, are smart, driven guys. They try hard. laziness is not their problem. 

A lot of them are very productive guys, or at least strive for productivity.

The hustle and the value of productivity aren’t bad, but the way they are expressed can get in the way of you learning to quit porn for good.

Remember, it’s not a porn problem, but a mind management problem.

Don’t try to solve your porn problem by starting with eliminating pleasure and self-care. It doesn’t work.

Busy-ness is one of the best thi...

First, clarify the results you are aiming for. What results are you creating by utilizing your current strategy?

Second, use all your best judgment and knowledge to this point to choose your strategy.

Third, while utilizing your strategy, along the way ask this question: “If I know that the results I want are happening, how do I approach this moment?”

Fourth, decide a time frame to utilize your strategy before you evaluate how it’s going (don’t do any evaluating or 2nd guessing unless it is the scheduled evaluation time)

Fifth, evaluate along the way, but not in reaction to your brain freaking out. Plan when you will evaluate, and release it when your brain wants to evaluate during the unscheduled time.

It’s time to decide to let yourself have the experience of doing “enough” along the way to reaching your goals.

This approach will help you move toward creating the results you want way more powerfully than 2nd-guessing yourself the entire way through whenever your brain feels lik...

Question of the Day:

How would your rest, alone at home, change if porn habit no longer an issue?

Does this sound familiar? You avoid time alone at home because: you're worried you might look at porn again you don't trust yourself to not look at porn you're afraid of failing again So some of your main strategies to avoid this failure are: avoid times of being alone at home fill your schedule with so many things that you don't get alone time except for sleeping always make sure you're around somebody, but never alone at home over-scheduling over-busy hustle, burnout. hustle burnout. So you go-go-go-go GO, until you are so burnt out, then you are more likely to view porn when burnt out So your strategy helps for some time, but you still end up looking at porn. Just not as much as you think you would if you weren't as busy. But in the long-term, you're not sustainably quitting your porn habit for good.   Now Imagine This: Your porn habit is no ...

I teach guys powerful, useable, practical, hands-on tools for managing their mind.

Some of those tools include:

• -Thought Work
• -the Self-Coaching Model
• -Impulse Shifting

Why is managing your mind important?

Because thoughts create results.

A lot of my clients first learn about these powerful mind-management tools because they have a porn habit that they want to quit, once and for all - FOR GOOD.

So they practice with the mind-management tools and see that it helps (very effectively) with their initial problem.

Sometimes, they begin to attach the “need” for using these tools to whether or not they looked at porn recently.

This can be problematic. Why?

For a few reasons.

First, the pattern can look like this. 

• -You break a commitment to yourself and look at porn.
• -You have an unwritten rule in your mind that if porn happened in that last few weeks, that means I need these mind-management tools.
• -You spend a few weeks with renewed energy to practice managing your mind
...